So I gotta tell you about the first time I had gout.

I'd already retired from the Navy and was working as a LAN admin on base, and my right foot was hurting like hell. I had no idea what it might be. So I headed over to the Naval Hospital, and this doctor asked to look at it. I took off my shoe and sock and propped it up. He said, "Hm..." and then tapped it *hard* with his right index finger. I just about hit the ceiling! He looked at me with a big grin on his face and said, "You've got gout!" in the same damn voice that AOL used to say "You've got mail!"

I wanted SO much to punch him out. I'm sure he's laughing about it to this day.

And then there was the time in Manila after going to a Persian restaurant with my son and sharing a "Super Mega Kabob III" (yes, that was its name, and it was *good*). The subsequent gout attack lasted three weeks. To quote a line in 300, I did not enjoy myself, and it was not over quickly.